[Growing] a dating app to 1M+ downloads with a community-first strategy

Lex founder Kel Rakowski on connecting 1M+ queer people, rejecting growth-at-all-costs, and bringing new perspectives to the tech industry

This week’s Growing XYZ interview is with founder turned startup advisor

Kel Rakowski

, one of the brilliant people I’ve connected with this year on Substack.

Kel built and sold Lex, the LGBTQ+ dating app that achieved over 1M downloads, 1M messages sent monthly & grew 67% through word-of-mouth alone.

An art-school dropout turned creative professional, Kel’s career spans various creative disciplines. This unconventional path has instilled in her a unique, outside-the-box approach to problem-solving and innovation, blending artistic sensibility with strategic business thinking.

As the Founder and former CEO of Lex, Kel revolutionised LGBTQ+ connections, leading the app to become a significant force in the community with substantial user engagement and recognition, including being featured as Apple’s App Store Top App for Pride.

Kel successfully secured funding and drove growth through an innovative audience-first strategy, which focused on deeply engaging early adopters by prioritising user feedback, fostering a sense of community, and integrating user-driven content into the platform’s growth model. In September 2024, Lex was acquired by 9Count.

Hey! Could you give us an introduction to your business and explain your role? 

I founded Lex, an LGBTQ+ social app that prioritized community-driven growth over traditional growth-at-all-costs strategies.

As the Founder and CEO, I focused on building an inclusive and welcoming space that resonated deeply with its user base. Lex wasn’t just another social network; it was a safe place for connection, conversation, and culture—rooted in the queer community's unique needs.

My role spanned everything from product vision and development to team leadership and community engagement. I oversaw a diverse-remote/hybrid team, cultivated user-driven initiatives, and maintained strong relationships with investors while ensuring the mission of ‘connecting queers around the world’ stayed at the forefront.

After leading Lex to over 1 million downloads and achieving hearty organic growth, I successfully navigated the company’s acquisition.

What does successful business growth look like to you?

To me, successful business growth is sustainable, values-driven, and community-centric. It’s not about maximizing profits or scaling at breakneck speed—it's about nurturing a business that thrives alongside the people who use it and those who work to build it.

Growth should be measured not just in financial terms but in the loyalty of your community, the wellbeing of your team, and the genuine impact your product has on its users. Lex’s growth came through deep engagement and trust within the LGBTQ+ community, proving that scaling thoughtfully and organically can be more powerful than chasing metrics that disregard long-term impact.

What do you want to change about your industry?

I want to shift the tech industry's relentless focus on exponential growth at any cost. This mindset not only strains company culture and team health but often disconnects products from the communities they serve. It’s not realistic and feels insincere when you’re pouring money into targeted ads and growing for growth’s sake.

The most important metric to track, regardless of company size, is retention. Lex’s Head of Product, Maayan Elder, highlighted the value of retaining engaged and enthusiastic users and prioritized retention over growth-at-all-costs.

Unfortunately, accepting venture capital often comes with the expectation of relentless growth. Until this changes, the industry will remain trapped in the cycle. Post-Lex, I’ve become a big proponent of bootstrapping. While I gained valuable insights working with investors, staying smaller and focusing on core metrics could have reduced the intense pressure.

We need to redefine success to prioritize resilience, ethical practices, and cultural relevance over rapid expansion. It’s time to champion approaches where growth is a byproduct of genuine value, community trust, and sustainable practices. By amplifying voices that challenge the ‘growth-at-all-costs’ narrative, I hope to inspire a more thoughtful, human-centered path for founders and the broader tech landscape.

How do you define and measure success in a way that reflects your values?

The metric I’m most proud of is immeasurable: the connections formed between queer people because Lex existed. Success is reflected in friendships, love, and a sense of belonging. I think that’s why I liked our photoshoots and videos so much—we were able to see real-life queers whose lives were changed slightly for the better thanks to Lex. I like to see that joy.

Success is seen in stories: Lexers finding chosen family, couples meeting, and individuals feeling seen. I value long-term impact—how connections are carried forward and how voices are heard. Retention and engagement metrics help track community health, but true success is in the life-changing moments numbers can’t quite capture.

What growth strategy have you implemented that most people in your industry might consider too risky or unorthodox?

In the early days of Lex, I took an unorthodox approach by building the community on Instagram. It began with the @h_e_r_s_t_o_r_y account, where I shared historical images of queer life, art, and culture. As an experiment, I invited followers to submit personal ads inspired by the 'On Our Backs' magazine, which featured old-school newspaper personal ads from the 1980s and 1990s that were hot, witty, and fun. This experiment resonated with the community and quickly developed a cult following.

The momentum from Instagram led to a grassroots Kickstarter campaign and fundraising parties to bootstrap the funds needed for the MVP. I even charged $5 per post on the account to sustain the project. By the time I launched Lex in November 2019, the strong community foundation I built led to 40,000 downloads in the first month.

This strategy—focusing on organic growth, deep community engagement, and leveraging existing platforms—was risky and unconventional, but it worked. It set Lex apart in an industry often obsessed with rapid scaling and ad-heavy tactics, showing that the long game can be powerful when building with authenticity and trust.

What role has your community played in shaping the way you grow your business?

I always say without our community, Lex wouldn't exist—and that’s 100% true. The community was there from the beginning as early supporters who believed in the vision and contributed $5-20 to help build the prototype. Their engagement and feedback were vital in shaping the app’s features and direction. The trust and passion of the community drove us to create a product that truly served their needs. 

This level of involvement was impossible to replicate and became our ‘moat’ against competition. We were the queer community building for ourselves, which reinforced that sustainable growth comes from listening to and evolving with your users. This support transformed Lex from a simple idea into a platform that made a real impact.

What can individual brands do to challenge a “growth at all costs” mindset?

See something, say something. Stand against it openly. That’s why I’m so inspired by people like you, Matilda, who work within the system while questioning it from the inside out. Brands need to question: Do we really need to grow this fast, this wildly? What about our true-blue, die-hard fans? Do they matter?

At Lex, we championed our engagement metrics, which were stellar compared to many other social apps. The community loved to chat, and that deeper connection was more valuable than just pursuing rapid growth. I also urge founders to think carefully before taking VC money—it can feel like a deal with the devil unless you firmly stand up for your brand and your users. Brands must prioritize long-term health and meaningful engagement over unsustainable growth.

You can connect with Kel on LinkedIn, subscribe to her newsletter Work Unseen, or follow her on Instagram.

Thanks for reading Broken Growth! This post is part of the Growing XYZ series; a Q+A format spotlighting leaders who are redefining what it means to grow a business and moving beyond traditional patriarchal and capitalist models.

If you’d like to be featured in the series or would like to recommend someone you admire - let me know!